<joel> I can't really trust, and am secretly afraid to give and be outgoing. Too many people pay close attention to me, and I mean it's not my fault that I'm not super-macho or anything, but I'm not. I'm not what they think, I'm not what's in their stupid speculation. I'm just me - straight, normal Joel, and I'll never be anything different... But why won't they stop? </joel> <!--09:58-->
<joel> damn, I suck. ....it's currently 8:25AM on sunday morning, and last night I stayed up until 2:00AM or so just thinking about my desperation after all of this time. the horrible thing is, I can't tell you all exactly what happened last night because if I did, I'd just embarass myself. let's just say that it's about me falling too easily for girls. God... I'm such a retard. anyway, back to my life in the past two weeks or so. eum well in the past week, actually. it's Summer Arts time again and I'm enjoying it once again. of course, things aren't perfect: I have a difficult and almost frightening warm-up class first thing in the freaking morning everyday, Mandie's back and there are other people in my class that can get on my nerves, our second song is called "Island Magic" and everyone thinks it sucks, annnd I could go on but hey! I won't. the point is that it's still a fun experience, and I will go on about this - but more about last Friday (not the 11, the 4) when I was planning on doing some shopping with 'Leesh. welllllllll.... it never happened. because she had to cancel at the last minute. and obviously I was pretty devastated, and my mom then opened my eyes about something. the friendship that me and 'Leesh (not to mention Mariel and I, too) isn't... 50/50. at all. so I guess I realised that, and it took a long time for it to soak in, and I was defensive for a little while, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that my mom was right. I mean... it just never really hit me that... anyway, so then I just laid off calling or initiating conversations and stuff, and it's going allright- but I'm just going to give it more time. so anyway, back to Summer Arts! apart from "Island Magic," our other number is "Lounging At The Waldorf," which is a classy jazzy tune by "Fats" Wallace. it's really a great song that's fun to sing, and it's the one that we're doing our coreography with... (not to mention it's with the dancers. heh heh) but yeah! and that's fun, and I've been around uptown taking notes on people (Character Development class, don't ask lol), eating lunch at Slocum & Ferris (like every good Saint-Johner) and having iced whatevers from Java Moose. so, it's going well. and about this weekend? ha, not much happened. really. Thursday night I hung out with M & A, then Friday night I didn't do anything, yesterday I worked for 5 hours or so, last night I just talked on MSN (well, apart from that I went for another 5-mile run, once again smashing my record with a time of 41:14.) and this morning I'll most likely go to church, then to Mémère's, annnd HOPEFULLY it will be nice today and the waves will be good and I'll have a great day.... but God doesn't seem to be on my side lately. figures.
That's my life in a snapshot,
For early-to-mid July 2003.
</joel> <!--20:50-->
<joel> hahaha!!! now it seems that all I do in this Blog is my Friday Five - but don't worry!! I'm far from abandoning my Blog!! so anyway, speaking of my slightly belated five, here it is!
1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
Um... Way back... Well judging from some baby pictures, I guess it was Brody Shannon. But that was a looong while back. But I either over-use or under-use that term, so I guess I really don't know.
2. Are you still in touch with this person?
Haha well kind of - whenever I venture to Pine Cone, usually.
3. Do you have a current close friend?
I have lots of close friends, actually.
4. How did you become friends with this person?
Man - I became friends through school, drama stuff, MSN, etc. with all kinds of people.
5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
Oh... Hm... Not terribly, I mean all of my previous good friends are still around or available to see, but people change and so do the times... so that's that.
Well I know the excitement doesn't end here... But come see the Summer Arts Gala on July 19!!! aiight I'm outta here
Summer Arts 2003,
Lounging At the Waldorf.
</joel> <!--05:07-->
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