<joel> Good God! what a night. well, kind of. first of all, I was extremely depressed. (For evidence, check my last entry.) emm... I guess I just got fed up with everything, with life, with my self-image which is now being repaired, but especially school. at least there's only one week left, otherwise I'd die! but just to let you all know, I am getting better as we speak. I do get down on myself (that sounds wrong on many levels...) and I must admit - the hugest factor that gets me back up on my feet are my friends, without them I'd be a Doormat Doris... ugh. if you want to see the good friends I have btw, check the Shout Outs from my last entry - excellent stuff. mmk, moving on now, last night I got the Sims, FINALLY. the problem? it didn't work! you know how badly I wanted to play it? I tried to install it for 2 Hours!!! Ahhh, damn computer - that just sucks. anywho, today dad might be picking out a tree, we're probably going to decorate it tommorrow, it should be wonderful. oh, I can't forget, I had my run! and by God it was hard... but as usual I miraculously pull through, my time seems to be getting better and better, and it really just makes my day. it already has! oh, tonight, Mirage's Christmas Board Game Party should be a refreshing change from... well, for my weekend. and I'm probably going to Alicia's this afternoon as always, good old Alicia. :-) (and Mariel.) and there I will finally be able to play my Sims. whoo! well anyways, thanks again for all the great comments, they all made me feel 110% better, trust me.
I.R. Have Good Companions,
Little Joel on the Prairie
</joel> <!--22:58-->
<joel> Take a dictionary. Find the word 'sped'. See my picture. Turn to the word 'retard'. See my picture. Now shut the dictionary and look at all the bad math and french marks I've gotten this year. Think, "that boy must be the dumbest person I have ever seen". Repeat until thoroughly satisfied that this is true.
Haven't ya guessed? Fucking math test... Most likely my worst ever. I have to go into hiding from my mom again, "Oh no mom, just this little formative quiz we got that I did bad on". I mean, fucking DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!! My average is 58% in Math as it is, close to fail (what a surprise) and french a 61%. I mean, COULD I be any more of a sped? Sure, people in my class say "ohhh, I did SO bad on that test!" and then they get a 75%, act all surprised while I feel relieved over a GOD DAMN FUCKING 67%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg I'm the biggest most worthless peice of crap on the planet Earth. I really really am. am I fat? yea. ugly? yea. unpopular without certain friends? yea! and yet I go around, sometimes happy sometimes depressed, and when I'm depressed, these people like teachers or school acquaintances ask what's wrong, but what can you do? NOTHING! and now... my mom just gave me a bit of really good advice, however, I didn't tell her about today's math test, she thinks it's on God-damn monday! omg... I'm seriously so worthless... say whatever single thing you want, but you aren't me, you don't get beat down by school all the time like me, you don't look in the mirror and wish you could look decent, wish that you could be OK, or even to compare yourself to the good people. sure, you'll be able to relate to one or two of the things I said, but not all of them. so please, give me false consellations that will make me feel livable with myself before the next test.
Holy Fucking Hell,
Worthless.
</joel> <!--05:32-->
<joel> hmm... a lot as happened since yesterday morning. I will tell you from this very computer in the library, overlooking outside & all of the windows that reveal a beautifully snowy afternoon. well, to begin with, JF, Jacques and I are all pals again. I confronted JF in french class, and I told him that this argument was stupid, and that he needed to find a balance if he really wanted to be my friend. so, then we became friends once again, and things are getting better, I don't think I'd be able to remain in an argument like this before the Holidays in any case, I find that kind of moronic. last night in Ju-Jutsu we started to smell smoke in the gym. we later found out that four buildings had caught fire and two had collapsed. outside was a billowy combination of fog and smoke, and it stuck to my gui. Sarah, along with a few other people had to leave for health reasons, I thought they were going to keel over and die from coughing - it was awful. it made the front page, and apparantly it started over two drunks in a convenience store (which is no more) but at least no one got hurt. I think. em, I'm supposed to be doing math right now, but what the hell. I also have to ask about the length of Ben's Christmas show tonight, because of the troupe's Value Village / Mike's outing tonight. hopefully it will still go through amongst this winter sky, but maybe it won't stay on the ground. I hope. em, I think that's about all I wanted to say, apart from the fact that I strongly believe that Tom has ADD, he's always so hyper and doing things that are really retarded, like throwing huge rocks at the phone booth at our bus stop while I'm STANDING IN IT. ugh! anywho, that's all!
Soirée and Smoke...
Joel of his own Manifesto
</joel> <!--01:24-->
<joel> I feel mean and strong at the same time. JF and Jacques... well, they're making it painfully obvious that they want me to stay out, I don't care what you say. and I'm not going to take it anymore. that's where the strong part of me is, I'm ignoring them the best I can. the other thing is that I do feel mean, because JF is somewhat putting on the whole "I'm still your friend but I always hang out with Marmen" innocence act. I don't frankly care anymore, and that's the end of that. anywho getting on with life, Christmas is so close I can taste it. we're getting our Christmas tree during the weekend or so I hope, that should be wonderful. I loooove it! oh and last night! Leader Corps! yes, we saw Harry Potter uptown and I sat beside Katie, she's the nicest girl ever, it was hilarious - she's a bit obsessed. (just a "bit") lol so anyways, that's basically all from me, and if all goes well *Alicia* cough cough then I'll get my Sims on Friday!
Strongah den yesterday,
Joello Bo Boello Fo Fono and all that junk
</joel> <!--21:43-->
<joel> OH am I ever bored. really. you see, in the usual time frame that I am writing to you presently, I usually do unfinished homework from the previous night / weekend. but last night, I spent the night doing homework and watching fun Christmas cartoon specials, like 'Donner' and 'Babies in Toyland.' it was great! and although I am in the Christmas spirit, alas, it is only December 10 and I must fight against time and dumb school assignments to inevitably avoid depression. I am still trying, though. I just... see, Christmas is just a relaxing / traditional thing for me, it's just so wonderful, it's a feeling I get - just, knowing that it is a special time of year, visiting and being visited by loved ones, and Christmas morning! oh, Christmas morning, with chocolate and presents in a warm happy room with my family... and I know I'm so lucky to have all of it, I'm one of the luckiest people in the world to have that. to have two parents at home, to have a warm home, a nice Christmas with tons of great things and a good family, and not to be poor. it's such a gift to be able to feel the Christmas spirit and to give and (most of the time) receive in return. I know I sound like the cheesiest thing ever, but I've got Christmas on the mind, and although I might be slightly commercialised, I do realised the base of Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ, to give and to ultimately pass along the joy that you can give, that is in your heart, that is given through the goodness of your own warm heart, and a feeling of satisfaction will fill it for always.
Hope you're touched!,
Christian Joel
</joel> <!--01:19-->
<joel> ho my. what's new? well... let's start with yesterday. ok, well, theater was nice, but Géo! we worked! and I actually listened too - although coincedentally, Jacquo Taco was absent yesterday, lol! and then french, well, we did grammar lessons and as usual, I failed horribly, it's a good thing that JF was sitting beside me to at least guide me, or else I'd have crashed & burned like so many other times. I don't know - french grammar is just a big 'whoosh!' above my head, what can ya do. then came math - now apparantly, the class had failed horribly in math. so, being at the bottom of the barrel in that class as well, I thought I'd just be in tha fa-reakin' dumps. wrong!!! 67%! way to bring up my average! uh-huh, uh-huh, who kicks ass, I do, ya huh, ya huh! (that was a victory dance) and the class average was 73%! I even came close to matching it! Jesus Christ must have been in my desk cheering me on or something. lol! tonight I'm off to see Harry Potter with Leader Corps @ the ShowBoat. I have too many things to look forward to! The movie tonight, shopping on thursday, The Sims Livin' Large on Friday, and last but not least Mirage's party on Saturday. whoo! anyways that's all from me, my fingers hurt oh so badly!
In the Bonne Renomée,
Joël le chef français, hon hon hon!
</joel> <!--21:44-->
<joel> it could have been a mistake. Alicia is forgetful after all. non the less, I am angered. GAH! You see, she was nice enough to extend the gesture to burn a Sims CD for me, and she said she'd leave it in her mailbox. but -weep!- there was only a chip bag in it! and it was EMPTY!!!! :'-( ugh... ugh ugh ugh. so then I kinda sent an e-mail to Leesha telling her that it'd bettah be in my mailbox along with the original Sims so it'd actually work, and I think I meant it. I know I'm being a bossy ho, but you should have seen how excited I was! "A Sims CD??? For ME??? ahhh!!! how nice!" but then... -sniff- it wasn't there!!! it just wasn't! and I'll have a good hour of computer time after drama! which could be spent doing that! :( poor IR. but with my luck, Alicia will go on a major guilt trip and deliver it *cough* pronto *cough.* so that's that! humph! ...humph again! DOUBLE HUMPH!... wow, double humph. that's rough.
Where are my Sims?,
_The J_
</joel> <!--02:48-->
<joel> Sunday morning, we suddenly had to go to 9:00 mass because I have uncertain drama today, from 12:00 - 2:00, then Interaction from 3:00 - 5:00. in that hectic timeframe, my parents will be at my Aunt Doris' for a 'potluck.' (I'm sure you're farmiliar with the term.) I guess they're going to find out weather we're going have the whole Christmas Eve celebration chez moi, like we did last year. my family room creates a lovely little environment for a Christmas get-to-gether, and ohhh ho ho my mom makes this nacho dip, it's soooo good, it's like... oh, it just has to be tasted. lol! oh, how rivetingly amazing the conversations are on my Vautour side of the family, really. the exclusive topics include, weather, Joel's height, how cute Ben is, about some distant people that only the adults know about, and then food. and probably Yvon's coaching problems. blah. ohhh, I'm talking to Marie-Eve right now, there isn't any practice now, apparantly. meh. anywho I'm bored, therefore I'm off!
"Avoir de la diversité, c'est avoir une monde.",
Joelllllll to the max!
</joel> <!--23:22-->
<joel> such a day, where did I leave off? ah, yes, Alicia's with Alicia, Amanda, Mariel and the little pup Sammy. it was fun, I created a new Sims family, watched 'Goldmember' and then Mariel dragged us all the way to McDonalds to see some old friend / camp counseller who never even showed up (Mariel was more then dissapointed) so then we 'hung around' Lancaster Mall like absolute hicks, and eventually we got a parent pick-up with Mariel's sympathy money to rent a movie. MIB2 - not bad. so then the rest of the afternoon was vegging, which progressed into night, and there it got confusing. Mariel went a bit mad, it was weird... but we made our own spaghetti! ya, so that's that, I'd type longer but I have to call Manda Panda back, so that's all!
Christmas Shoppin' Is AOK with Bargain Mom,
Joel of the Bay
</joel> <!--09:21-->
/archives